


Can you find me?

by thiefofIight



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Death, F/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 22:24:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2828171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiefofIight/pseuds/thiefofIight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Sollux Captor, and you've lost your girlfriend in a car crash. You miss her more than anything, and life is far too different without her for you to handle. What will you do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can you find me?

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of a sequel to my other Arasol one shot I guess but you can read that without reading the other one so it's whatever I guess. Also it's not as good as I thought it would be I'm sorry.

If there was one thing Sollux wanted for Christmas, it was to see Aradia again. He knew this was a foolish wish and that it would never happen for completely rational reasons, but he couldn’t help wanting it. He missed her. And it hurt really badly, most of the time. He obviously never let it show when he was around his friends, but he was almost always thinking of her, and of how her huge smile was missing whenever he did something with them. Sometimes, he really couldn’t believe how fast it had all happened, how easy it had been to lose her when he least expected it, and how, somehow, it all was his fault. When someone died in a car crash, it wasn’t ever really someone’s fault, but the driver always felt guilty if they survived and the other didn’t, and that was exactly how Sollux felt. If only he had paid more attention to what the other drivers were doing, if only he had been more careful, if only he had hit the brakes at the right moment, Aradia wouldn’t have died. She could still be here, getting excited about Christmas and smiling that huge bright smile she always smiled.

Sollux sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing them. Thinking of Aradia always made his head hurt, but that nothing compared to how badly his heart started aching whenever someone mentioned her. Her death was the main reason why he had stopped going out and spent most of his time inside, playing video games on his own instead of playing online like he used to when she was still there. His life had radically changed since she had died, and he hated this. He couldn’t do all these things he used to do anymore. Everything was somehow linked to her, and it hurt. He wanted to see her, right now. He wanted to hold her and tell her he was sorry. He never had the chance to. She died right away. They didn’t even try to save her.

Sometimes he wished he had spent more time with her when she was still alive. Sometimes he wished he had given her more things she actually wanted. Sometimes he wished he had simply been a better boyfriend for her. And it hurt to think that he would never get the chance to be better. But there was another part of Sollux that felt like he had done his best when they were dating. There was that part of him that didn’t regret anything and was thankful for all the wonderful moments they had spent together.

But whatever part of Sollux thought, it still hurt to know she was gone. And both parts of him wanted her back. And tonight he felt ready to do what he had always thought of doing. He felt ready to try to join her. He had never believed in heaven, or in the afterlife, but it made him feel better to think that maybe, just maybe, there was a way for them to be together again. And he thought that joining Aradia wherever she was on Christmas would be the best present he could give her. After all, she did love him when they were together. And she probably missed him as much as he missed her. They were meant to be, they always said it at night, when they were sure that no one could hear them. And Sollux meant those words, and he thought that Aradia did, too.

And that was how, on the twenty fourth of December, Sollux Captor killed himself. He didn’t make it really painful. He simply swallowed two bottles of painkillers and waited for them to kick in, really. He didn’t have the guts to do something more painful anyway. And he knew this would work, for he knew that no one would find him before it was too late for him. And he was happy it was this way. Even if he wasn’t sure he would end up seeing Aradia again, he didn’t really feel like he really had a purpose in this world anymore, and he didn’t really feel like faking being okay around Karkat or Eridan anymore.

Since she had died, Aradia had been keeping an eye on Sollux. It was a weird place she was in. It was cold and really bright and nothing like Earth, but she didn’t mind it all that much. At least she could watch over everyone she cared for from here. It obviously wasn’t what she had expected from death when she was still alive, but it was better than nothing. Besides, the fact that she wasn’t really alone there meant that she would end up seeing all her friends again, and that thought warmed her heart, despite how cold it was.

She saw Sollux kill himself. And no matter how much it hurt to see the rise and fall of his chest get slower and unsteady until it finally completely stopped, she couldn’t help but smile, knowing that she would finally get to tell him that she wasn’t mad at him. She had seen him cry himself to sleep at night. She had heard the words he told himself. And she wanted to tell him that she wasn’t mad, that she knew he hadn’t meant to kill her, that nothing was his fault, and most importantly, that she loved him. It hurt her to see him in the state he was, but she had still watched over him every second of the rest of his life. And it wasn’t really bad thing. At least she knew what she had to tell him when he would finally get here.

When Sollux eventually opened his eyes, everything around him was brighter than what he had ever seen. Yet, even if his eyes were having a hard time adjusting to the brightness, he let out a relived sigh. He wasn’t in his apartment anymore, and this definitely didn’t look like a hospital room. He was dead now. He simply needed to find Aradia. It probably would take him quite some time, but he didn’t care. It seemed worth it.

But when he eventually looked up, he saw her standing there with her long, messy, dark curls framing her face as perfectly as ever. And Sollux smiled at the sight, slowly getting up. He had missed her brown eyes, and her plump red-painted lips. He had missed her, all of her, and he was so glad to see her again.

“Hello, Sollux,” she greeted him, smiling back at him as he walked towards her.

“Merry Christmas, AA.”

Aradia chuckled. For a while, she had almost forgotten about Sollux’s lisp, and the way he’d said Christmas had reminded her of it, of how a lot of things he said sounded different when he said them, and of how much she loved that. She pulled him into a hug. They both couldn’t stop smiling at that point. They had so much to say to each other, but they now had the eternity to say them, and this was the best Christmas present they had ever gotten.


End file.
